I don’t how it works in your neck of the woods, but here, when it is time to pay the yearly tax on your car, and get a new sticker for the license plate that says you paid up, the county government sends you a card with what you owe and if you need to have the emissions checked. They send it a full two months before the end of the month it is due.

My car has a “6″ sticker. Meaning I have until the end of June to pay up, or there is a fine larger than the registration cost. Since the beginning of the month I’ve been wondering, “where is that little post card from the county?”

A few days ago, after this nagging in my thoughts, I decided to call the local Clerk & Recorder to find out what was up. Surprisingly, my call was answered pretty quickly, and the pleasant woman took my information: name, address, plate number, etc. She looked it up on her computer. “That card was sent on May 5th,” she informed me. “Well, I didn’t get it.” Okay, sometimes I’m a little absent minded, maybe I tossed it by mistake.

“You don’t need an emissions test this year, and you can just come to the office, use the kiosk, or come to the counter to pay. Or you can give me a credit card number and I’ll mail the new tag.” she told me. “Lovely,” I said, and bing-bang-boom, a minute later I’m done and relaxed enough to deal with some other stupidity of modern life.

Can you guess what showed up in the mail today? Go ahead, guess.

The card that was sent 42 days ago. The office that sends these cards out is 3 miles away. The post office that handles my mail is 2 miles away.

42 Days. That means that card moved 377 feet a day. A child could crawl faster than that.

I’m not blaming my local postal carriers. I know them by their first names. And they are upset too. My mail arrived today at 6:30 pm.

You have to wonder if DeJoy, the Postmaster General, is trying to destroy the United States Postal Service from the inside. Maybe Pynchon was not just being paranoid in his novel “The Crying of Lot 49″ (1966).

“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds”

Now I wonder if the new tag will get here in time???