While waiting at the Nissan dealership customer lounge while my Sentra was being serviced this morning, I was leafing through one of those artsy-fartsy architectural magazines. (Not much in the way of alternatives, except for golf magazines).

There was an ad of photographs of beautiful yardscapes of tasteful statuary, furnishings, vegetation, and other Zen garden-inspired landscape designs touting the expertise and artistry of a Sausalito-based yard art consultant. You know the drill, austere Scandinavian esthetics, subtle and understated “partitions of space”, Bauhaus simplicity and angularity to the max.

One of the photos showed an outdoor chess set, the kind with enormous man-sized pieces, like you might see in a Mel Brooks movie. It always struck me that other than a decadent European aristocrat, no one of any taste would actually want one of these monstrosities taking up space in his yard. A closer look at the photo only confirmed my suspicions.

The board was set up incorrectly! The lower right square for both sides was black, not white, and the knights’ and bishops’ positions were interchanged all around; bishops just inboard of the rooks. Now its no disgrace to be ignorant of the rules of chess, but if you are, what the hell do you want a jumbo-sized chessboard on your yard for? Its like wearing cowboy boots and a Stetson when you don’t know how to ride a horse.

Class will out.