Boy, are you going to get it.

Relocation is not a solution!
Relocation is ineffective.
Relocated raccoons are quickly replaced by other raccoons. The best solution is to leave the raccoons alone and remove or modify whatever is attracting them specifically to your yard.

Relocation is inhumane:
Although many people perceive relocation as a humane approach to resolving conflicts, it is in fact just the opposite. Relocated raccoons have to fight with already established raccoons for territory, food and shelter. Many raccoons do not survive relocation and those that do disrupt already established populations. Relocated raccoon kits are almost always abandoned as it is near impossible for a mother to carry and care for her young while also establishing herself in a new territory.

Relocation is ecologically destructive:
Relocation of raccoons disrupts already established populations. Excessive “dumping” dumping of raccoons into natural areas surrounding the Portland Metro area has resulted in ecological damage and been implicated in the transmission of disease among otherwise unaffected populations.

Relocation is illegal in Oregon:
Raccoons are protected under state law and relocation of these animals is illegal. Raccoons may be trapped with a permit from Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife, but they must be released at the same site or euthanized.

Raccoon wars in New York

He was walking by one day and I asked if he’d read the paper. He hadn’t, so I filled him in.

“The Tri-County area is going to assess a tax on the collection of ancient photons. The reasoning is those which are allowed to “land” contribute to the welfare of everyone in terms of warmth. Those which are collected by astronomers are converted to their own selfish uses, and deserve to be taxed. They haven’t figured out a rate yet, but it’s rumored to be something less than 1 cent each. They figure there aren’t enough astronomers around to complain much, but it should bring in a healthy chunk of change.”

Poor guy went ballistic. I didn’t even have time to explain before he trotted off to talk with his astronomy club.

Neither one of us ever mentioned the incident. I was afraid to.

Houses out by the trees and fields are in the two to three million range around here. I’m in the middle of town!

I have no idea where they hang out in the daytime. I swear those critters take a bus to get to my place.

All mammals must be trapped humanely and within minutes of each other. The family unit must be respected during this move, and moved together.

A “family unit” is described as parents, children to and including the second generation, widowed siblings of the parents and their offspring.

It may seem like a lot of trouble, but you’ll feel better about yourself in the morning. And you deserve to feel better.

Imagine the palatial estate it takes to have a waterfall, stream and pool. No wonder it attracts raccoons. I’m sure bunnies, too, of the Playboy variety. But those are simply a workaround, not much of a real problem.

I’m beginning to understand Conservatives a bit better. The heartbreaks, challenges, trials and worries of protecting all that opulence from unwanted intruders, especially in this day and age of fresh water scarcity.

Living on the edge of civilization does expose one to wild animals, and often compromise is impossible. When a creature does not recognize private property, deeds, titles, ownership and simply gallivants all over, it needs to be taught a lesson. That capitalism has taken over the land, and they are no longer welcome without either an invitation or title. It doesn’t matter who was here first, it’s who is here last that matters. Next it’s going to be a few land mines planted in strategic places.

Arf

The squirter is working. I have a campaign where I leave it off some nights. The raccoon is getting twitchy.

And there’s still the electric fence.

If nothing else, the average lifespan of a raccoon in the wild is 2 to 3 years.