And I raise you Virgin Boy Eggs!

You always wonder who the hell came up with these things. It’s an old joke that the bravest man in the world was the first guy to eat a raw oyster, but mankind has spent most of history really, really hungry. There’s an oyster. The sea gulls have been eating them. The otters eat them. And you’re really, really hungry. It’s perfectly understandable.

Who decides that coffee beans really need to be run through a civet cat’s digestive system first? Maybe it’s your last cup of coffee beans, and you were on a bender last night, and you turn around and goddammit! Your civet cat ate your beans! Your head is pounding. Your eyes are blurry. And maybe, just maybe, you start to think…sooner or later, those beans are coming out. And I can have my coffee. And after that bender, who’d be surprised to find it was the best coffee you’d ever tasted?

Urine eggs? Who knows how that started?

Maybe you’re the village elder, wisest man in the district. You love your boiled eggs, too. That little kid who cleans your house doesn’t like you much though, because you’re old and kind of smelly (eating those boiled eggs doesn’t help). So when he tells the neighborhood he took a nice, long whiz in your egg pot, you have two choices:

1) Look like the Dork of the Century in front of everyone

2) Tell them all you knew darn well he’d pissed in the eggs, but that all the wisest men know that boy piss makes for the very finest eggs, with mysterious curative properties.

The boy looks like a dork, your reputation is saved, and if you’re quick enough, you can sell the eggs. Having to eat one in obvious relish is a small price to pay, and what the hell, the piss was boiled sterile, right? And compared to those damn buried thousand-year eggs it’s almost decent.

What do you know, you are the wisest man in the district!

Keep an eye on that kid, though. You don’t want him taking a dump in something.